I don't Like Thinking About that
by Bay Dyson
Summary: A story in which April is harassed at work by a fellow Pawnee employee. Takes place mid season 2 (the Christmas episode) and up. This is an Andy/April story. This is a tad damsel-in-distress-y at times but I promise that isn't what it focuses around. More background in first chapter if this is too vague (sorry). TW: sexual harassment/assault
1. First Time

Author's Note: So I realize i have other stories that are not finished, but I have been wanting to read this story for a long ass time. but it doesn't exist so I finally gave up looking and decided to start writing it myself. The prologue is obviously in the future, it's just to give a quick background. y'all know how summaries work, i'll quit rambling. enjoy!

Prologue

It started as just a stupid internship. I shouldn't even have been in the Pawnee city hall ever. But I needed one for college and stupid Natalie didn't wake me up so I got stuck with the last one of the sign up list. The Department of Parks and Recreation. And it's ended up having a lot of great effects on my life. Almost all positive except for the job itself and not getting paid and the idiots who work there like Jerry. Oh, and there is that one other thing. But I don't like thinking about that.

April's POV

I go to "work" everyday. I don't think I can call it that, seeing as they don't give me shit to be there. I got to a desk and text people and nap everyday. That's more like it. But at least I get to see Andy when he stops by. No I don't have a crush. I just, like when we talk and I'm sad when he leaves. Okay maybe I do like him a little. Which is, weird. Because I don't like anybody ever. I don't really like people. Or places. Or things. But for some reason I find myself loving the shoe shine stand and his stupid guitar.

I'm sitting in the chair against the wall in Leslie's office. She's talking about the whole sex scandal councilman thing whatever, I don't know. At this point I'm just staring at the wall pretending the pen in my hand is a cigarette. I don't smoke. Which is weird. You'd think someone like me would. It goes with the personality. Now that's a weird phrase when you think about it now isn't it. Someone like me. It's almost like a way of writing off your own uniqueness. I'm in the middle of mulling over the idiotic phrase when all of the sudden he comes in. In his stupid apron that he insists on wearing even though he doesn't care about stains and the apron never gets anything on it any way. Andy wasn't like me. He was like the opposite of me. But then again I hate the phrase "opposites attract" too so why did the thought stand out. We were like a cat and a dog. He's standing there biting his finger nail when Leslie yells at us.

"How do I fight back? Give me some options." Everyone stares back at her blankly.

"Do you want me to seduce Perd Hapley?"

"How would that help?" I blow out more imaginary smoke. And think before I answer.

"I don't know, I just want to see if I can do it." She looks at me and says something about not giving up my virginity for that. Yeah, okay Leslie. That's been gone for a while. That's been gone since that stupid night my senior year when I got too drunk at that party. But I don't like to think about that.

"Leslie I don't know if this is important or not, but I have heard a lot of very, very interesting chatter around the shoe shine stand today." Of course he had. He always had to be so helpful and generous. He goes on and on about all the stupid guys talking about Leslie and if they would do her. Whatever, if he thinks he's helping, I'll let him ramble. I watch him as he leaves and suddenly the room feels a lot more empty with him gone. I look back at Leslie as she keeps going on and on about her stupid scandal. No one cared at the end of the day. Pawnee just needed someone new to roast for the week. I get up to leave and I hear someone coming up behind me as I'm going. _Please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me._ I hear them get really up close and whisper in my ear. Crouching down to close the height difference.

"You know, you could seduce anyone." I can feel his hot breath on my ear and the hairs on the back of my neck all suddenly stand up. I look back and see him with a creepy smile.

"Eww, gross." I let out a disgusted sigh as he smirks at me and walks away. _What the fuck was that about?_ God was it just every man's instinct to treat women like their personal toys? And he said it so monotonous, like it meant nothing at all. As if he was saying it looked cold out. Gross. _I hope that never happens again._ I make it to my desk as everyone is going back to where they need to be. I pull out a book to try and forget about the weird exchange.

"You okay girl?" I look up and see Donna looking at me weird. I guess I was more obvious than I would have liked. But she didn't need to know about my problems.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I look back down and try to focus on the plot line. It was a stupid book. Basic and romantic and shit, but I liked it. I had read it so many times in middle school that even though it was dumb I guess it managed to creep it's way into my happy memories. _This Lullaby_ by Sarah Dessen. In my head I know I should hate all her books. They're romantic and happy. But, so is everyone when they are 13. And that's how old I was when that stupid book came out. Remy, an apathetic girl who believes in short, commitment free relationships finds herself falling for Dexter, a carefree rock band musician. Of course.

"Okay! Ron, Tom, Ann, April, let's go." She was always so god damn happy.

"Where?" It's Tom that asks the question.

"Lot 48 to set up the Christmas display and make sure everything is going perfect and also not thinking about this stupid Dexhart thing." She looks down at the floor like she always does when she says something weird or stupid.

"Okay let's go!" Yeah sure, let's go. It'll be fun.

End of chapter one.

please review to validate my existence. i'm kidding, but i was kinda nervous about posting this, so let me know what you think.


	2. Losing Control

Authors note: sorry if this is a tad short. I wanted to leave you guys hanging for a bit over who it is harassing her, although I have a feeling y'all probably figured it out by now. Please review, and I hope you like it. Thanks!

April's POV

He hasn't said anything else today. Maybe it was a weird way of him complimenting me. It was gross, but I could understand it. The weird thing is I never would have thought him to say something like that. It just made me shiver thinking of his breath on my neck. God if I hadn't known better I would have thought he was about to kiss me the way he said it. Gross. Everything about it was gross. But yet I still find myself wanting to trust him and like the guy. Logically I want to admit it's because I have to see him everyday, i'd rather not spend the day disgusted. But I know its because of that day almost two years ago. I have a problem where I tend to trust anyone who is nice to me. But that day he wasn't just nice, he was down right protective. But the gross thing was I thought about it as something fatherly, not romantic, god no. Never romantic. How could it have been romantic? The exchange itself wasn't romantic in nature. He was protecting me from an older creep, and I guess, I don't know. It reminded me of the way a dad would protect a daughter. The way my dad never did. He tried his hardest, but he did that by doing nothing. _We have to let Zuzu make her own decisions_. Yeah dad, well, Zuzu's own decision is what got me drunk when I was barely 15. Zuzu's decisions is what landed me at that stupid frat house party when I was only 17. Zuzu's decisions tend to ruin April's life. So maybe when he got worried and protective I guess I thought it was sweet. And maybe that's why now I can't help but want to act like what he said was nothing, but all my heart keeps telling me is that it _is_ something, and it's gonna happen again.

I finished all of the Leslie things I had to do relatively fast so now I'm just sitting at my desk thinking about everything I don't want to think about. Tom and Mark were still out and Donna had gone for coffee and I think Ron was finishing up his part of Leslie's job. We were supposed to work together but I had finished my shit so he left. I start drawing randomly in a notebook but that gets boring, so I go back to the stupid not stupid book I was reading earlier when a note falls out with the bookmark I had been using. I quickly put the crow feather I was using as a mark in so as not to lose my place and pick up the small piece of yellow pad paper.

 _~This is a you-book April. I can just picture you as Remy, with all those different guys in bed. _Wonder if you're as good as you look_.~_

Oh god. It takes everything in me not to throw up after seeing the fucking perverse sentence. I quickly crumple up the piece of paper and throw it into my trash. God it was just getting worse. I thought it was fine, he had been out all day. Sure he can't finish his work, but he can find the time to leave that and flip through the pages of _my_ book. Ugh, what absolute trash,

Why me? That was really all I wanted to know. He has so many women to pick from but yeah sure, why not go with the barely 20 year old intern. It was disgusting. I tried to read the book again but I couldn't get his damn words out of my head. __Wonder if you're as good as you look_._ Yeah, not that you would ever get to know buddy. I look back at the trash can and the tiny piece of yellow paper. It's just in there taunting me. Why can a tiny piece of paper with a crude remark affect me so much? He was all talk and insults, i'm sorry; _compliments._ I wasn't under an physical danger. I shouldn't care.

What time is it? I feel like I have been sitting here for an eternity. 4:32. Ugh I can't even leave for another 28 minutes. What if he comes back first? What if no one is around and he says something? Or tries something? No, no he wouldn't try something. He wouldn't dare. _Maybe I should leave early just to be safe. No April you are being ridiculous._ I can feel my leg bouncing up and down, something I only really did when I was nervous or thinking too much. I can feel my head starting to throb and I know my face must be flushed. God why was I letting this get to me so much? He was a joke. More irrelevant than this fucking internship. I need to stop letting him do this to me. I need to stop giving him the control. My hand is shaking. I still have the pencil in my hand that I was tapping and now every once in a while I hear it tap against the book. _What is wrong with me?_ All the sudden I can hear the door creak open quietly and then shut and I feel my heart rate pick up again.

"April."

end of chapter 2


	3. Running

April's POV

"You look terrified. What's wrong with you?" It's just Ron. Thank god, it's just Ron. The man in the office who actually _does_ look out for me like a father. Except Ron doesn't care about anyone. Or anything. I can't let him know anything is wrong. He would do one of two things, either A) Kill him. or B) laugh it off and tell me i'm being ridiculous. or maybe I should tell him because if I tell him then it will stop. But what if he takes _his_ side. I can't risk it. _But it's been a while so you need to say something for Christs sake April._

"Why do you care? You don't like to get involved in people's' personal problems." There, throw his own words back at him. He can't argue with himself.

"Fair point, but you look as if there's an armed robber hiding in the office." Dammit Ron just stop with the questions.

"As fun as that would be, there isn't. And i'm fine, okay?"

"Okay. I will be in my office. Make sure no one bothers me. Please and thank you." He walks into his office and pulls out a piece of wood and a knife. To each his own I guess. I look down at the clock on the computer screen. Still 13 minutes. But if I wait then everyone will come back, and I can't get rid of everyone as easily as Ron. Maybe I should just leave. Ron wouldn't care. Besides, he was busy with his wood. He wouldn't even notice. I leave my jacket on the chair and take my phone and wallet. I shove my nearly empty purse in the desk drawer and head out. Hoping to make my quick and inconspicuous getaway. I won't even say hi to Andy. I just need to get out of the building and away from that tiny piece of yellow paper.

Andy's POV

God does anyone actually look like this? This guy has a fucking 8 pack, the shit? I thought it was 6? Whatever man i'm still great. I mean, I bet mister 8 pack can't even sing. or play the guitar.

"Shoe shine." I yell it out enthusiastically and flip to the next page of the magazine I found.

"Shoe shine." I look up quickly and see April walking somewhere. That's weird. she usually says hi.

"Oh! hey!" She turns around hesitantly and looks at me, and I can barely hear her say hey. I put the magazine down kinda hard on the stand to get her attention. she looks kinda lost, maybe annoyed. yeah that was probably it.

"I've been thinking about your gay boyfriend all day." wait, that sounded super wrong. And I can tell by the look she gives she thinks so too. Oh well, she knows what I meant.

"I have got, some awesome ideas." I was super confident about these too, they were great.

"Okay." She sounds a bit off. Maybe it was just how she was today. She gets like that sometimes.

"Spray tan gift certificates?" I mean, hello! She looks up like he's thinking about it.

"Ugghftf, no." She says it with a little head shake. Okay whatever, better ones where that came from.

"Trip to Germany! Germany is awesome."

"And expensive." Shit, right.

"Good call, I, didn't think of that." I say as I look back at the list. I'm about to say another one when she cuts me off.

"Okay, uhh. You know how people say that you should give gifts you would want to get yourself? What would you want?" What I would wan-

"Oh easy, Indianapolis Colts Reggie Wayne jersey, number 87, double XL, home blue, signed by Reggie Wayne right after he catches a touchdown to win the Superbowl." Duh, who wouldn't want that? She just kinda stares at me blankly before she says okay and turns around to go back to where she was initially going.

"No? Hip hop abs dance fitness dvd!" That probably existed somewhere. But she just keeps walking. It looked like she was headed towards the exit. But that makes no sense? She has no coat or purse and it isn't even 5 yet. Oh well, maybe She left something in her car. I'll ask her next time I see her. _I hope that's soon._ Woah, that thought kinda came out of nowhere. Whatever, it was true. And April is awesome. Everyone should be happy when they get to see her. even if she doesn't like that. She was great.

April's POV

I can't help but smile to myself as i'm leaving Andy's stand. I hadn't meant to stop but it did help calm me down a bit. _Maybe I can make it until five_. And besides, I did leave my coat on my desk chair. I should just go and stop being pathetic. I turn the corner sharply to go back around to Parks and almost collide with Tom.

"Hey watch where you're going, I almost dropped my phone."

"Oh you poor thing." He was way too obsessed with that thing. Maybe I should hide it and see how many seconds it takes him to find it. That could be fu-

"Hey look you found April." I instantly feel myself tense in spite of myself.

"Yeah, she almost broke my phone." He said it in his whiny Tom voice but I barely hear it. My eyes are focussed on the guy who just walked up behind him.

"Cause that would be the worst thing to happen" He said it trying to be cute. And then I can see him look me up and down. God he was repulsive.

"Hey April, where you headed?"

"My house." I try to sound sharp but even I can hear how weak I sound compared to my usual self.

"Where's your sweater? It's kinda cold out." God don't say shit like that.

"I didn't wear one." _Lie._ Why can't he just leave me alone?

"You sure? I coulda swore you did." Yeah because you stare at my chest all day creep.

"Nope. I didn't. End of story. Goodbye." I turn back around again to my original location. The exit.

Tom's POV

"She seem, weird to you? Not just like April weird, but weird?" She was half whispering a few answers. And when she almost bumped into me I think I saw goosebumps on her arm.

"Not any more than usual I would say. Hey did you finish all your stuff for Leslie?" That was a quick conversation change. Whatever, she was probably fine.

"Yeah I think so. You?"

"Yup. I am gonna go to my office and then head out. Night Tom."

"Night man." He turns down towards his section of city hall as I walk towards Parks. When I get in I quickly glance at April's desk, and there was definitely a sweater on the back of her chair.

end of chapter 3

sorry this took so long. I just got a new job and they have me working 30 hours a week on top of school. please review.


	4. Scalding

Author's note: sorry I kinda disappeared. I had a busy month. also y'all should know who it is. I don't say his name but I refer to specific dialogue from the show. also someone complained I don't have strong detail, so I tried to do that, hopefully it's a little better. please review. enjoy!

April's POV

God it's fucking freezing. My arms could be blue right now, and these stupid goose bumps were more like mountains. I should have just got that stupid sweater. Tom was there, he wouldn't have tried anything with Tom there. _God April you're so stupid sometimes._ I've gotta find a way out of this goddamn internship. Less than a month. That'll get me through. Less than a month. I finally get to the front steps of my house and open the door. Once it's shut I lean against it for support and hope that everyone is asleep. I can't deal with any pleasantries with my family. I look around and see no one and heave a sigh of relief. I push myself forward and head up the stairs. _Less than a month_.

~the next morning~

" **Just go straight to the lot today. lots of work to do! -** **Leslie**." God only Leslie would not only be excited about work, but assume everyone is. That was so annoying sometimes. And she still signed her name. What the hell, I know it's her, her number is in my dumb phone. I was already planning on not going to city hall today. Oh well, maybe He won't be at the lot. I push aside the blankets and lie in the cold bed for a quick second before pushing myself up to go get in the shower. I needed it to be scalding. That was a fun trait I didn't like that I picked up. After work I always take a scalding hot shower to get the feeling of his disgusting words off me. sometimes I would scrub until my skin was raw. It was so stupid. It wasn't like anything he did was physical. He was too much of a wimp for that. I drag myself to the bathroom and quickly get into the burning hot water. I need this today. The water drips down my back lightly as the hair on the back of my neck stands up, shocked by the heat. It is the best I feel in a while. A time I can be free of him, of everyone asking me what's wrong, of my own demons that seem like they are out to get me personally. But as I turn off the water and step out everything rushes back and hits me in the face with the hot steam. You can only escape everything for so long. I throw on the first clean clothes I see and quickly dry and curl my hair. I put on my everyday makeup and take one last glance in the mirror. Time to face the day.

-line break-

"Unbelievable." Ron was grumbling under his breath about the dumb raccoons. I didn't see the big deal. They were cute. And if someone was dumb enough to get bitten or attacked by one, that was their fault, not the dumb raccoons. I look over and see Tom walking up with Him.

"Hey." I only look at Tom. I don't need to see him. I can already tell he is looking at me.

"What happened?"

"Got a call from some panicky morning joggers. Apparently sanitation didn't empty this dumpster. To the raccoons delight." They were still there. Running through the trash.

"I thought raccoons were supposed to be nocturnal?"

:Not in this town sweetheart, in this town they're 24/7." I have to hold back when he calls me sweetheart. _It's just Ron._

"We can't have raccoons for the Christmas thing. They'll hunt the kids for sport. Fess up guys who dropped the ball?" I look back and the two of them. I know it wasn't me or Ron. So it had to be one of those 2 idiots. Suddenly Tom hits Him on the shoulder as he realizes.

"Bring a case of beer to sanitation."

"Bring a case of… Yeah this one's our fault Ron, and we will take care of this for you" Of course it was him. The idiot couldn't finish a simple list of tasks but he had all the time in the world to creep on me. And of course he was off to save the day, make everyone love him.

"Okay good, because I have to.. run a public forum, supervise the maintenance crew, and teach crafts at the senior center. Simultaneously." Great so I had to do one of those things for him. Everyone walked away and i just sort of stood there. Maybe I could leave and no one would-

"April come on. We have to go to this stupid crack pot convention." Well there goes that dream. At least it was just with Ron. I start walking with him to his car begrudgingly. I hated public forums. The stupid people in this town were so demanding and ungrateful, it was the worst. I climb into his old car and stare out the window in silence.

"Fess up." God Ron what the hell?

"What now?" Why couldn't he drop this?

"You know that I don't like feelings or personal problems, but you are worrying me kid. What's going on?" I wish I was invisible so no one would ever ask me questions.

"Why do you care? You aren't supposed to care about stuff. That's kinda your thing"

"Yes, but you are still young, so you shouldn't have to deal with tough things alone. If you don't want to talk, I respect that, because I to hate talking. But let one of us know if you are in trouble."

"It's nothing. I can handle it." I look him dead in the eye as we pull into the parking lot.

"Just make sure it doesn't become something you can't." I follow him in and swiftly take a seat behind the old white folding table.

"OKAY! My name is Ron, you don't need to know my last name. Whoever wants to talk, talk. And we'll be outta here in a tight 15."

-line break-

"Hey! Sorry I'm late!" I can actually feel myself smile for the first time all day as we all greet Leslie and her mom says something to her. In all truth I wasn't just happy to see Leslie, I was relived. With her and Ann there it meant _He_ couldn't be creepy. I had successfully avoided him all day. but sometimes I can still feel him looking at me. But all in all today was a successful no-creep day.

"Oh my god is something wrong with the tree?"

"Nah nothing wrong."

"But it's almost 9 the tree should have been lighted up over an hour ago!" God she really needed everything spelled out sometimes didn't she.

"We waited for you." Ron stepped around me to hand her the button and I couldn't help myself from smiling. The littlest things made Leslie so happy, sometimes it was kinda nice to be around.

"Okay everybody countdown!" Everyone counted down from 5 and watched as the tree turned on and quickly illuminated everyone and everything around it. People cheered, for some reason I didn't quite understand. Yay! Electricity! Whatever, i'll clap if it makes Leslie happy. And I looked over and saw Andy there in his stupid Santa suit. Before I know what's happening he pulls me in for a side hug and I smile to myself. At least that's one good thing to happen today. We all stayed a bit after that, but I needed to go home. I had definitely reached my people limit for the day. I say bye to Andy and start walking towards my car when I start to hear footsteps behind me. _You're just being paranoid April. Don't turn around. It's all in your head. Just keep walking._

"Leaving so soon?"

end of chapter 4


	5. Gravel

April's POV

"Leave me alone Mark." I hated how weak my voice sounded around him. Like a child. Asking for permission from an abusive father. I need to be stronger. Braver. He wasn't anything. He _isn't_ anything. He's pathetic. I look down in spite of myself. i can't look at him. I start to pick at a lose thread on my sleeve and i can hear his harsh foot steps on the lose ground.

"'I'm just saying hello."

"And I'm saying goodbye."

"You know you'll never land a guy with that attitude" Oh god he's getting closer.

"That's the dream." I feel myself pick up my shoulders to my head like I'm cold. He is catching up to me. I focus on the ground under my feet. The black and gray gravel with specks of brown dirt. My feet slowly covering it as I try to flee. Why can't I walk faster? It's like I'm in slow motion, frozen by his words. I just need to find a way out of this. Get away from him. Quit the internship first thing tomorrow morning. I can't keep going on like this. Leslie would beg to know why, but I could always lie, it's not like I haven't done that before. But what if someone else ask why? What if Ron does? Or Andy?

"Aw come on now." He's right behind me. I can feel his breath on my neck. God why won't he just _leave me alone_? A tear is welling in my eye. _No. Do not. Don't you dare cry for him April. I swear to god._

"You don't mean that now." He reaches out and his hand is on my shoulder and turns me around. I can see the hunger in his eyes. Like a construction worker who yells "nice tits!" at you while you walk down the street. He's leaning in closer to me. I could scream. I should scream. Why am I not fucking screaming?

"Do you?" He leans in and kisses my head. I want to run. I need to scream _now_. He runs his hands down my arms and I can feel the red goosebumps forming as he works his way all the way down to my wrists before slowly sliding his hands to my waist.

"Get away from me." My voice is cracking and I doubt he even hears my meak protests. His hands are moving to my lower back. But I can't move. It's like I'm stuck right where he wants me. Frozen in time, in space. It's like I'm Zuzu all over again in that bedroom 3 years ago

"That'd be a waste you know. You're so hot." He's talking low so they won't hear. They are all only 30 feet away why isn't anyone coming? The tears break and I feel one run down my cheek. He's whispering everything right by my face. It would look sensual to anyone who didn't know the true nature of what was taking place.

"Get away from me Mark." I can barely hear myself. It's like I have floated away. This isn't happening to me. I'm not there. It's Zuzu

"I can't help it sweetheart." He leans in and his lips are touching my ear. His hands have moved to the waist of my jeans.

"You're too tempting April." I'm not April anymore. April wouldn't let this happen. April is stronger than this. April spent years creating a character of herself. Someone stronger than she was. Someone who could stop this from happening.

"Like a delicious little…" He pushes his hands down onto my hips under my clothes.

"Treat. I know that little scary April is such a mask. You should be like this more." His hands reach down to my inner thigh. I need to get away. I need to scream. I need to run.

"Complaisant." He whispers it quickly before he begins biting on my ear. Then I hear it.

"Mark?" It was Ann. She must be looking for him. Never in my life did I think I would be grateful for Ann.

"That's my cue sweetpea." Suddenly his hands were gone and he leaned away. He looks at me and takes a couple of steps backwards.

"We should do this again sometime." He winks and turns around to walk back to the lot. I stand there in complete shock of what just happened before it finally hits me. I need to get away from here. I start walking back towards the parking lot and see a small alley. More and more tears stream down my cheeks. I probably looked like some swamp monster. And sounded like one too. I let out a quiet sob before it builds and suddenly I'm walking back up against a building and sliding down the wall. The brick is cold against my back as the sobs get louder and louder. _Why is it always me?_ I must've done something really bad in a past life to deserve one as cruel as this. How could I have let it get this far? I knew I should have just told Ron. But I can't anymore. What could I even say? It's not like he raped me. He just "felt me up". What would anyone say to that? Probably laugh. Say I should have just saw it coming and been more careful. It happens to everyone. It's part of the job. I could already hear it. And I couldn't tell Leslie, she'd die. Or Ann she would call me a liar. It was no longer a matter of whose side they would take. Because I already knew. It would always be Mark. How could I expect them to go against their friend and colleague of like, 6 years, over the stupid 20 year old intern who hated everyone and wanted to seduce a guy for fun? The choice was clear and I didn't even need to present it to them. I would be on my own. But I could handle it. I had too. Because I knew that the second I couldn't I would crash and burn like last time.

end of chapter 5

sorry this is so short. and sorry about the unexpected hiatus. it truly was unexpected. i have been working on some original writing for the past couple years and something i wrote really took off so i have been working on it and someone might actually wanna buy it and put it on! (its a play) so i'm really sorry about the little break from fanfiction. i really just wanted to put all my focus on this play, hopefully that's understandable. anyway i'll try to update more frequently. sorry again that this is so short and a bit rushed, i finally had some free time and inspiration but it decided to come at 1 in he morning, so if there typos or this is utter shit, from the bottom of my heart, my bad.


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